3 Missions to Help Manage Negative Thinking

Feeling a tad overwhelmed by waves of negativity or swamped by a stream of self-doubt and criticism from your own mind? Rest assured, I’ve been there – you are not alone. We can all experience negative thoughts, self-talk, and doubts, and it's important to note that there are steps we can take to manage these feelings.

So, buckle up because here are three strategies regularly discussed in sessions to ensure you're not contributing to the problem.

Mission 1 – Notice Self-Judgement

Historically, I have tended to judge my own negative thoughts, adding an extra layer of negativity to what may already be a challenging situation. This additional negativity does not help! It's a common behaviour I observe in sessions, creating a harmful negative feedback loop that keeps us stuck. For example, if you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, have you noticed yourself getting anxious about being anxious? That’s what I’m talking about.

The key to breaking this cycle is firstly noticing that you are doing it. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re already somewhat aware of your mental health, giving you a better chance of managing these issues. Resolve that the next time you notice this occurring, you won't be so hard on yourself for those initial negative thoughts. It's entirely normal to feel anxious, insecure, or have other negative emotions. These emotions are not the enemy – it’s what you choose to do with them that matters. Accepting these thoughts (and yourself for having them) as part of being human can help you stop the negativity spiral.

Our culture’s focus on overly positive thinking often sets unrealistic expectations for success and happiness. While I’m not against positivity, it’s necessary to become comfortable with life’s negative aspects and see them as essential for personal growth. Embracing the negative helps us learn and grow, but we don’t have to add to it!

Mission 2 – Reframe Failure (or as I call it, Delayed Winning!)

One important way to deal with negative thoughts is to accept that failure is a normal and necessary part of life. We often create our own idea of failure by setting unrealistic goals. When we don’t meet these goals, we feel like we’ve failed.

For example, think about your fitness goals. I recently did a benchmark test I used to complete in under 7 minutes. I finished in 7:30, and for a moment, I felt frustrated. I believed I needed to finish in 7:00 to be happy, coming in 30 seconds later, I initially thought, "What the frick happened?" Then I remembered that I haven’t trained much this year, am significantly more ‘well-nourished’ than when I last performed the test, and this was a random goal on a weekday morning, not an Olympic tryout. For another person, just showing up could feel like a win. It’s all relative, yet we judge ourselves more harshly than others. NOTICE - do you do this?!

The goals we set are often arbitrary and can be adjusted. Managing negative thoughts about failure involves being more flexible and realistic with your goals and expectations. Things are rarely as good or as bad as we imagine. Our minds tend to exaggerate. Keeping a balanced perspective on our training, finances, or career prospects can help. As a wise man once said, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Mission 3 – Practice Self-Forgiveness

Learning to forgive yourself for mistakes and failures is key to managing negative thoughts. The difference between those who suffer from negative thoughts and those who move past them often lies in the ability to let go of self-criticism.

To start practising self-forgiveness, separate your actions from your intentions. Most mistakes are made with good intentions. Focus on these intentions and understand the motivation behind them. When you empathise with your own motives, forgiving yourself becomes easier.

Next, learn from your mistakes. If it is a genuine failure where you didn’t show up as you wanted, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and has those days. This can help you keep a balanced perspective while planning how to reduce the chances of it happening again, turning negative energy into proactive solutions.

By finding value in your failures, you’ll start to see them as opportunities for growth rather than reasons for self-criticism.

In a Nutshell

By accepting that negative thoughts are both inevitable and useful for personal development, we can be better prepared when they arise. By not judging our negative thoughts harshly, embracing failure as practice, and attempting self-forgiveness (I didn’t say it would be easy), we can navigate life with more ease and fewer self-created obstacles.