08.10.24
Expectations vs. Reality... and the PERFECT JOB DESCRIPTION for MENTAL HEALTH!
Often, people talk about their careers during sessions. Whether it’s aspirations, dissatisfaction, or THAT new manager who thinks they know it all! Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of jobs—some
that I loved and made lifelong friends with, and others that made me question my grip on reality. So when a client talks about contemplating a scroll through Indeed or any other job site, I can
definitely relate.
We've all been there: scrolling through job listings, getting our hopes up as we read the enticing descriptions. But then, a few months into the new role, we’re left wondering if we accidentally
signed up for a completely different job.
Expectations and reality don't always line up as neatly as they do in the advert!
So, let’s have a chuckle at what job descriptions often say versus what they actually mean.
1. "Dynamic and Fast-Paced Work Environment"
Expectation: You'll be part of an innovative team where no two days are the same, constantly bouncing around creative ideas. Everyone works efficiently, and deadlines are met with
precision.
Reality: You'll be dealing with chaos on a daily basis, running from one urgent task to another like a firefighter with a water pistol. Get the cans of White Monster in, because you’ll need
them to survive the daily grind. It’s less of a "fast-paced environment" and more of a "never-ending treadmill." Expect to sprint through tasks without ever reaching the finish line, and don’t even
think about taking that bathroom break at the wrong time (trust me, it happens!).
2. "Must Be Willing to Wear Many Hats"
Expectation: You'll have the opportunity to showcase a wide range of your skills, contributing in many exciting ways to the business.
Reality: We’re seriously short-staffed. You’ll be doing the jobs of at least three people, often in roles you’re not remotely qualified for—like IT support, marketing, contract negotiation,
and unofficial driver.
3. "Competitive Salary plus Benefits"
Expectation: The salary is fantastic, and you’ll finally feel valued and rewarded for your contributions.
Reality: The salary is "competitive" with National Minimum Wage (nothing wrong with that btw, but can employers actually get on board with the 'Living Wage' please?!). Sure, you might not be
keeping up with your neighbours, but at least you’ll have benefits, right? Oh yeah, those benefits are a 5% discount card. Don’t spend it all in one place!
4. "We're Like a Family Here"
Expectation: A close-knit team that supports each other through thick and thin.
Reality: Pro tip: not all families are picture-perfect. This one comes with high expectations, constant pressure, and a whole lot of passive-aggressive communication. Oh, and there’s a
colleague named Martin who always "borrows" your snacks from the communal kitchen.
5. “Permanent Contract for the Right Employee”
Expectation: If I turn up and work hard, I’ll be rewarded with stability and job security.
Reality: We've hired 50 of you on zero-hour contracts, and we’re going to test your endurance until there’s one person left standing—desperate enough to stay.
The Perfect Job Description for Good Mental Health
Now, imagine this: a job description that genuinely prioritises your well-being, mental health, and work-life balance. What might that look like?
Job Title: Professional Human Being
Salary: Enough to pay the bills, enjoy life, and treat yourself to the occasional luxury (like a holiday every couple of years, or some of that fancy cheese without guilt).
Work Hours: Monday to Friday, 10 am to 4 pm, with a two-hour lunch break and no emails outside of working hours.
Responsibilities:
• Do your best during reasonable work hours.
• Take regular breaks to stretch, breathe, or dance (no judgement here!).
• Accept that making mistakes is part of being human.
• Be encouraged to take creative risks and learn from your failures.
• Practice a healthy work-life balance by logging off on time every day (no late-night emails or surprise weekend tasks).
• Attend optional team meetings where snacks and good vibes are mandatory.
• Submit flexible working requests so you don’t feel that family commitments are held against you.
Perks:
• Access to snacks (preferably Domino’s Cookies) (that no one else will touch).
• A designated "venting room" where you can complain about Martin or just scream into a pillow.
• On site Gym of
course!
• Transparent communication and genuine feedback, minus the jargon.
• A four-day workweek option if you're really nailing it.
• Pet-friendly office (or virtual pets if you work remotely) with designated cuddle breaks.
• A nap pod or quiet room for power naps, meditation, or just zoning out for a bit.
• Monthly wellness stipend for anything that boosts your happiness—massages, yoga classes, gaming subscriptions, you name it!
• Free EAP/Therapy sessions to support your growth and well-being.
• Regular team-building retreats that are actually fun, like escape rooms or beach days, not awkward trust falls.
• No dress code—show up in your PJs or your favourite superhero cape if that’s your vibe.
• Recognition for the small victories—whether you completed a challenging task or just managed to keep your houseplants alive (Alan Vera, I’m going to water you, OK).
Yes, it's all a bit tounge in cheek and delusional of course. Work isn't meant to be all fun, and most of us acknowledge that. We can dream though can't we. If all job descriptions were written like
this, we’d all be much happier, less confused, and probably have fewer grey hairs (seriously, why do they stick out so much?!).
Until then, remember that managing expectations is key—and so is maintaining a sense of humour (p.s talking things over with a professional can help with this – sales pitch over!).
So, the next time you see a job advert that promises the world, take a deep breath, laugh a little, and consider what it might really mean. And if all else fails, just imagine how peaceful it would be to apply for that dream role as a "Professional Human Being."